This is a background story from the novel I’ve been working on.
Silence ruled the house as tiny feet approached the forbidden bedroom. The door opened and the little girl rushed inside to open the forbidden drawer. Through pictures, she searched for memories she wished to recall. She was too young to absorb what happened, too little to forge a touching memory to carry into her teenage years then adulthood.
She shook off people’s stares with her straight blonde hair. The darkness in her midnight blue eyes shut away the whispers about how unfortunate she is and how much her mother would have loved to watch her grow. She spent her time scuttling through her mother’s things, trying out her clothes, putting on her make-up, and wearing her t-shirts just so she can still smell her perfume. She even tried if her mother’s shoes fit.
As she grew older, she felt the void but she was afraid to let it show, so she drew her life with colours and flowers she had picked. She glued them to a cardboard and created an imaginary story which was often about her mother, they lived in their own world where no one else existed and they did everything together. Inside that world, her mother took her to dance practice and she cheered her at school recitals. In that world, her mother was proud when the little girl took an “A” on her exams.
She spent weeks decorating her Mother’s Day present which was left in the corner of her classroom alone waiting to be asked about. And when the teacher would finally have the courage to ask her why she hadn’t taken it with her, the little girl would answer, ” I don’t like it!” The hidden truth behind that answer was that she had already thought about buying roses, but she had no one to give them to.
She unconsciously sought her mother’s approval without ever meeting her or feeling her motherly touch by either praying or by asking questions about her. When she lit a candle she could feel her mother’s presence. Sometimes when her curiosity became bigger than her pain she opened the subject with the people around her by comparing how her mother’s friend took her shopping.
Throughout the years she made up for her loss by trying to act sensibly so nobody questioned her. She took pride in her freedom and the fact that she was more independent than any other girl she knew.
She got lost for a while and she thought she could make it on her own trying to prevent her family and her kids from living inside a broken home but she failed …
For a while, she thought that the void in her life could wreck her, but now she embraces it like the flower receives the rain. She realizes that all she could do is gather all that un-seen love and pass it forward to her daughters and the people around her.