The Worst Things to Say to a Grieving Person.

I’ve been wanting to write this for a while , because in the past two years, I must have heard the worst comments about grief.  They may not matter on regular days but when you’re vulnerable these are the worst sentences you could ever hear.

  1. Stay Strong.
  2. Don’t Cry.
  3. Nobody cares:  (This is the worst one I’ve ever heard.)
  4. You’ll feel better once you go back to work.
  5. It could be worse.
  6. You shouldn’t be this sad the deceased was old.
  7. Younger people are dying everyday.
  8.  There are bigger problems in the world.
  9. Aren’t you over it yet?
  10. Get over it.
  11. It’s not good to mention the deceased so often.
  12. You weren’t even this close.
  13. You have been acting weird.
  14. Cry out all your tears during the funeral, and you’ll get over it.
  15. If you cry his soul will suffer.

This is all I can think of now. What’s the worst sentence you’ve heard during a loss?

18 Comments Add yours

  1. Jokerswild says:

    Those are some horrible things to hear when grieving, even coming from enemies that would be low. A grieving person doesn’t need sympathy so another bad thing to hear is “I know how you feel” because we can’t really know how the griever really feels, we can only relate. And you never wanna hear the words “These things happen”. Empathy is the remedy, not sympathy.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think, “I know how you feel” depends on the person saying it. If they’re saying it to shut you up and change the subject then it’s ugly. But if it’s said out of compassion and the other person is waiting for you to start talking then it’s wonderful. “I understand some of what you’re going through.” is even better.
      “These things happen” it’s like they are floating away from the original cause and making you shut off instead of speaking out.
      I also hate, “Time will heal your wounds.”

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Jokerswild says:

        Yeah, I can understand that now that you say it that way. But instead of someone saying “I know how you feel”, I’d rather them say “I feel your pain”. Like I said, I wouldn’t want sympathy, because empathy is what a griever needs. No one knows how I feel so don’t lie to make me feel better, but if you can relate because you lost someone then we’ve been in the same boat. So the “I understand” is much better.
        “These things happen” it just sounds rude, it’s more like saying “get over it”.
        “Time heals all wounds” is like putting a band aid on a bullet wound. That’s just another way of them saying they want you to be strong and move on but that’s easier said than done for them. Like they expect you to forget as time pass.
        I hate when people ask, “Were you close?”

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Or “I know you so well and you weren’t even that close…You barely mentioned him.”
        I think the worst that hit me hard was, “Nobody cares.”
        It came 4 days after my uncle passed away.
        I was mentioning it to a friend to vent and the next time she had a problem she reffered that the person who said this was right, “Nobody cares.”
        I explained to her that it’s not true, but it broke my heart to hear the effects of these two words on another person.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Jokerswild says:

        “I know you do well”, not well enough is more like it. But “Nobody cares”, now that’s ridiculous to hear. This person shouldn’t have even uttered words like this if they even considered themselves a friend. I never heard anything like that, not even from people who didn’t like the person. That’s just bad passing talk as if things weren’t bad enough. That person would have been shown the door for the day.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Yes, I agree people should weigh their words better before talking. These words stick to you when you’re feeling down.
        On the other hand, I’m lucky that I had other understanding people around me they don’t know always know what to say but they’re here.
        Another one, “You’re mad…is it grief??” This one actually made me laugh even when I was mad…😂

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Jokerswild says:

        Yeah, some people just don’t think before they speak and even if they do think before they speak, they’re clearly not thinking straight, but it’s nice not to be surrounded by total blockheads. Some people there are actually there to console you.
        Then yes, there are those who try to say the right things that end up eating shoe strings but it kind of makes you laugh and you find it hard to be mad at them so you have to give the an A for effort. 😁

        Liked by 2 people

      6. I understand that it’s an awkward subject to talk about or even react to. You can tell when they mean something else and it comes out wrong , it has happened to me alot… I seriously love them for trying.
        Sometimes people just repeat what they’ve been hearing for years.
        Best thing a person can do in such situations is be patient and trust their own feelings.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Jokerswild says:

        It is an awkward and even delicate subject, it’s not table conversation but sometimes it can be handled and when they see you’re hurting, people will make the effort to console no matter how uncomfortable it may seem because silence is more uncomfortable in that situation.
        And true, people just wash, rinse and repeat what they hear, that’s why I say empathy is better than sympathy. Empathy has to do with their own feelings, sympathy is everyone’s feelings.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. You’re right! Silence is horrible…. This is wonderful to read, it gives me a fresher perspective about the whole theme.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Jokerswild says:

        This was actually an interesting post and it made you wonder.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I just remembered one, ” You can get yourself out of this sadness if you wanted to.” LOL

    Like

  3. aldearon says:

    Worst thing I heard by far was: ‘I had better get my share, lets sell everything now and make a good profit.’
    I am no longer speaking to them (plural) and consider them no longer family.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s horrible😶 I hate it when greed takes over.

      Like

  4. ‘It’s still early days…’ Like that matters 🖤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yea…”Or get over it…it’s in the past”

      Liked by 1 person

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