This is a collaboration with the very talented and sweet Manessah
The screen blinks in total darkness right before it rings. I reach out to get it and there’s your name again. Another night where I’m expected to lose sleep and put my life on hold for you. I hate that everytime the phone rings and I see your number now, my first thought is “What do you want from me?”. It’s like your hand is always out wanting something from me, but you never offer to do one damn thing for me. All you do is use the people you claim to love like tools. We’re humans, you know? Not toys.
The sound slowly fades into the background, as I lower my feet to the floor. I can’t bring myself to talk to you. It’s like everything I chose to ignore about our friendship, hit me all of a sudden. All the subtle signs that I didn’t want to notice for the sake of our friendship. But the question is: Am I the only person begging for this friendship to thrive? How can you call yourself a loyal friend, when you steadily stab me in the back?
We have a 90/10 friendship – I put in 90 percent of the effort, while you put in your generous 10 percent. There were times when I needed you and you wouldn’t even listen. There were times when I wanted reassurance that everything will be okay and you simply averted your attention to something you felt was more entertaining. I thought our friendship would last forever, but now you only talk to me when you need to complain. I’ve been there at times when your world was falling apart, but if my world falls apart, I stand alone and pick up the pieces by myself. It would be nice if you listened without judging and if you heard what I had to say, even it was heartbreaking. It would be nice if you didn’t try to shatter my dreams and remind me of how far I am from my goals.
You have no idea how much it hurts me when you turn your back on me, simply for being truthful with you. You paint me out as the villain and, somehow, you come out as the victim every time. Do you ever think about how YOU hurt ME every time you ignore my calls, simply because I told you something you didn’t want to hear, but needed to hear?
You can dish out the rejection all day long, but let’s see if you can take it. Maybe I should take a page out of your book and start looking out for me this time.