Cumulative losses

Her grandfather’s fragile hands squeezed hers,
And she knew that was it.
Soon he’d be gone…
And he’d no longer ask for his favorite song.

Shortly after the loss,
Loneliness reigned over her heart,
And tugged deeply into her soul.

Her wise uncle asked her how she’s holding up.
“Hang in there.” He said,
“That’s life, we’re all in this together….And we’re all leaving one day.”

Little did she know that in less than a year,
She’d be saying goodbye to him too.

During that time,
Seeing other people moving on,
made her more lonely.

Because the people around her were growing sick of her grief.

The day her uncle passed away,
She stared numbly at the hospital’s white walls,
Not believing her eyes…

Not believing that three other family members were there.
That day as she visited her other uncle who was in intensive care.

Before she left she begged him to hang in there.
She begged God to save him.

That evening while she sat alone in her room,
Thinking about the crazy day they’ve all been through.
A strange, rosy aroma filled the room.
She searched everywhere for the source,
But there wasn’t any…

For the next few months,
Her uncle miraculously hung in there.
She felt grateful for that second chance,
But sadly it didn’t last.

Once again they were standing in the same church halls,
Tired from the questions,
Exhausted by people doing the same scenarios.

She knew no amount of words could fix all these holes that were left,
And no amount of useless advice could heal what’s already gone.
She was truly alone.
And for the first time in a long time,

She was okay with it.
Because third time around …
Other people’s opinions stop mattering.

Her late loved ones’ strengths through their long journeys,
Were the fuel for her journey.

She knew her grief was hers,
The memories were hers.
Everything else was background noise,
So she made a pact to heal one tiny step at a time.
And remember them fondly each step of the way.


16 Comments Add yours

  1. Dear Z, very moving and heartfelt post!! Hoping this was not autobiographical sending love and hugs either way! I’m sure this was not easy to write! Thank you so much for sharing this with us!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sadly, it is autobiographical. Plus I lost a pet during this time who kept me company all afternoon while I wrote.

      It was extremely difficult to accept the idea that it all happened. It’s been bottled up inside for a while so writing it out actually helped. When I opened this blog I promised to write everything out with an open heart. So here it is…Thank you for your lovely comment and for re-blogging xoxoxoxo
      Your support means a lot to me!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So sorry to hear my suspicions were right! Happy you were able to work through the hurt and pain and get your feelings down so you could share this with us!! Thank you so much for sharing, Dear Z!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much for reading and leaving this lovely comment. xoxoxox


  2. Jokerswild says:

    The real strength is using the grief as a tool for remembering and not reminiscing. When you allow that pain to leave your body, it’s replaced by power and when you can express it, that’s when you know you’ve taken strength by the hands and walked with it. What you do takes heart lovely, and you have a lot of that.❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 💖💖💖Long road of healing ahead & reading this comment makes me positive😊 Thank you for this.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jokerswild says:

        You are very welcome lovely, you are strength and a self healer because you write it out and your power to express is beautiful🌹

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you…I try to let most of it out as much as I can. Tomorrow is the second anniversary of my late uncle’s death. I feel heavy and at the same time blessed that I can write it out.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Jokerswild says:

        Like I said, when you can let it out then that’s where the true strength is. Keeping memories in your heart and not your head is the healthy way.🌹. Take care lovely.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I felt your pain. A moving and heartfelt poem.

    I relate to this so much. I too, have lost 2 important people 2 years ago.
    The holes in my heart are still bruised and its not easy and its never going to get easy.

    Also, I know the feeling of hearing everything from people of ‘Don’t worry will be there for you or if you need a friend I’ll be there’. Every advice or guidance seems like you’ve heard it before and I know they are trying to comfort us.
    But, with a passing and hurt like this? it’s painful.

    Every truth you spoke in this poem…You are not alone my friend.

    My condolences go out to you and your family.

    This also, reminded me of the Despondency Act 1.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So sorry for your losses…All we can really do is just hang in there and learn to ride these waves.

      I’ve heard advice over million times. People taking care of shallow stuff thinking it’s the answer to everything. Most of the times it’s not…

      So glad you could relate to ‘Despondency Act 1’
      I guess it’s because we’ve been through the same thing 😀

      Thank you for your lovely comment. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The feeling is mutual.

        You are welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Muntazir says:

    This is heartfelt. Stay blessed

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.