I remember years ago when I encountered a loss as a teen. How much I needed to
talk about it and how much I needed writing in my life. Not a lot of people
around me at the time understood why I needed to mention these memories. Therefore,
they scared me into stopping what I was writing. What they didn’t know though
is that the grief was already there, it just needed a way out.
When I have bad writing days I remember this sentence, “The only way out is through.”
It’s one of the things I remember and it grounds me. When your feelings are compressed so badly they stay inside and accumulate over the years, because there’s no way out.
As for grief, this is what I’ve discovered over the years.
Some people make it very hard for you to forget them…. And I mean super hard.
Their hearts have a certain gravitational pull. Even after their departure, you
find yourself floating towards them. I still don’t know what it is…
They could’ve passed away ages ago but something about them just stays.
Is it their soul? Or their words?? Or maybe the way they loved us…Maybe it’s
all of it. There’s something special about their memories. The way they made us
smile or helped heal a broken heart.
I know it wasn’t easy for them to be fully there and I know life has a way of
breaking hearts. They fought their own battles and still managed to be there with a smile on their faces.
Their intentions were pure and that’s all that matters to me.
Some people are just too special that parts of them linger behind. We encounter new situations daily that make us wonder what they would’ve thought.
I’ve grown up with their wisdom in my heart and their departure taught me that words can’t hurt. They may just sting for a while but it’s cathartic to allow everything to come out. It may feel weird and you may feel vulnerable. It’s a hard process to go through. However, somewhere down the line healing happens. We stop fretting about the things we can’t change. That’s when peace and gratitude come through.
Dedicated to my auntie Mona on the memory of her death- February 2nd, 2003